ToothFAIRy

So my 7 year-old Darion is always negotiating and finding loopholes in just about everything... as his Mom I have learned to not only have a written iron clad contract but also his signature and initials on everything from chores to other miscellaneous ventures..  not too long ago, he cajoled one of his loose front teeth to come out early and I was left wondering why he endured so much pain and dedicated so much time into that act.. until later:

Darion: Parents know the tooth fairy .. right Mom? ( he calls me Mom when he is having a "grown up discussion". all other times it is "Mommy".. so I knew this was going to be a doosy)

Me: I suppose .. why?(please note that I didn't confirm nor deny the existence of the tooth fairy ... so he couldn't say I traumitized him for life after he finds out there is no tooth fairy or more devastatingly NO SANTA)

Darion: Well, I thought maybe you could intercede on my behalf with her (two things: what 7 year old goes around using words such as "intercede" and "on my behalf"? second: why does he assume all tooth fairies are women? did he not drag me to see The Rock playing a tooth fairy? Did I sit through that movie FOR NOTHING??) .. See Mom I feel that because it was one of my FRONT teeth that fell out I should be compensated for the cosmetic trauma this will cause me.

Me: *blank stare* *stuttering* um... what do you mean "cosmetic trauma"?

Darion: *patiently sighing* Mom, when people look at me it will be OBVIOUS that I lost a tooth and therefore it damages my profile .. think about the upcoming second grade pictures.. Christmas pictures.. and so on .. 

Me: *blank stare*

Darion: Okay .. look all I am asking for is an extra dollar, I understand that times are difficult for everyone so I am more than happy to be reasonable....

Me: um.. um.... um... okay tell you what .. leave your request, in writing, on the kitchen table before you go to bed and I will be sure she receives the message

Darion: *shrugs* okay Mommy

Me: (muttering.. what would Dr. Phil do? Dr.Oz? Oprah? Ellen?)

 Later that night.....

As I sat there looking at my baby's note .. I put the following at the top of the paper: "REQUEST DENIED --- IT'S A RECESSION" in bright red letters and  a smiley face :)

....He was not pleased the next morning.. but I politely told him that requests can't be denied or granted if they are not made .. so just because he didn't win with the penny-pinching Tooth Fairy .. he might get lucky with a Venture Capitalist in a decade or so ...

Darion: *blank stare*