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Sunday, September 11, 2011

Back to my basics..

One of the days that I dread every year is the first day of school. One reason for this is because I usually feel extra guilty because I can't stay for all the morning like a lot of the stay at home moms. I wish I could spend more time with my boys and the first day of school is my first reminder that I am missing so much of their life and they just keep getting older... *sigh*

This year my oldest son started the third grade and my youngest started kindergarten. I am so overwhelmed by how much they have grown (both literally and figuratively) in just a year. In November my youngest will be turning six and it is crazy that just six years ago I was pregnant for the second time.

I am not sure why but this year has really made me reminisce on where I was when I was pregnant with Jaden. I found myself pregnant in Minot, North Dakota, all alone. My husband left us and I had no job, in a town where I had no family. To say that I was scared was an understatement. I was not new to being alone and pregnant because when I was pregnant with my first child he was deployed to Iraq. However, this time I was faced with my worst nightmare: being a single parent, for the rest of their lives.

Just thinking about this time in my life makes me feel so incredibly sad and I wish I could go back to just tell myself that I would eventually come out of it, no not that everything would be okay, but that I would not always be that broken person in the mirror..

I have always been incredibly blessed because in my life there has been full of people that have stepped in to be exactly what I needed at the time. Surrogate moms, incredible friends, and strangers that have offered immense help in some very troubling times.

I say all of this because of the MANY opportunities that having a blog has opened for me I had forgotten that one of the reasons I started a blog in the beginning was to get my story out, I don't know if would want to call it my virtual diary .. but it was to be a way for me to say a little bit of what went on in my head and also maybe help someone not feel so "alone" in a situation that may mirror mine.

Be encouraged, stay focused, you are not alone.

Love (hugs),


Eva Smith said...

Congratulations on the first day of school for your kids. They grow up so quickly. I agree that a blog is a way to tell your story. You're a survivor and stronger for it. Celebrating you, your courage and your strength as well today

Bere said...

Thank you Eva.. I appreciate your words.. it was a little hard putting some of that out there for the cyber-world.. but I remember feeling so alone and I just wanted to connect with anyone that maybe feels or felt the same way... :) .. XoXo!!

Teresa Garza said...

You are right.. They grow up so quickly.... Thank you for sharing your thoughts.... Keep your virtual diary. Simple things like this make us realize that like you said.. we are not alone..

Bere said...

Thank you Teresa! It felt good to get back to the reason why I started a blog in the first place.. :)

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