Pursuing Your Dream --

How many times do you get up in the morning and feel like you just want to “get through your day”? I did.. until last year.. not until I had a health scare that made me feel like I was truly blessed to be alive.. it made me realize that life was too short to just live to survive .. I wanted to FEEL exhilarated and above all, content..
I recently interviewed one the animators of Pixar, his name is Carlos Baena.. not only was he one of the most charismatic people I have ever met.. he was also one of the nicest..


One of the things he was most passionate about was his love for all things cinema.. Animation was one of his first loves.. but ultimately it was the telling of a story that intrigued him… every day he gets up .. he can’t wait to work.. he is inspired by his culture in the freeness the comes with being Latino.. we encourage dreamers and hard work…
That made me think.. what happened to my dreams.. my goals..? Once I became a Mom.. it seemed as if I got my degree sort of a side note to making sure my boys became well-adjusted kids…
I realized when I interviewed Mr.Baena that somewhere along the way .. I lost that passion .. even within the last year.. when I made my goal to live life to the fullest… It seems as if I always take a back seat… BUT NO LONGER… I made a goal today .. that I would start with one hour everyday when I just do something for myself… even if I am tired..I WILL:

                     have a cup of tea
                     take a bubble bath
                     watch a show on my DVR
                     have a friend (or friends ) over for dinner
                     play with my new puppy
                     POST A BLOG :-)

I know that pursuing a dream can seem daunting .. but I challenge you to join me in at least starting with an hour a day doing something you love… something that soothes you.. something that helps you unwind
At the end of the day.. YOU are left with memories.. make them memorable .. and if you can’t do that today.. that is the beauty of TOMORROW..  ;-)

Living MY American Dream

So, yesterday I went to see Eva Longoria’s new documentary: “Latinos:Living the American Dream.”--- before I tell you all about the night and the film let me just say a few things… I NEVER felt as proud to be a Latina as I did last night after watching the film and listening to Eva and her team talk about their journey towards making this film.
I never appreciated a brand more than I did last night … PEPSI ROCKS! They understand the unbeliEVAble :) power of Latinos and helped Eva Longoria get OUR story out there. THAT was so powerful to me. She said something (well.. lots of things) that really struck a cord in my cultural soul, “we need to get our stories out there because if we don’t no one will…we are seen so negatively in the media that we need to showcase ourselves in a positive light…” (s/n… those may not have been her exact word because I didn’t think to write it down .. but that was the gist of what she said)… I can’t agree with her more .. which is one of the reasons I started this blog.. to empower, support, and reach those people that may need to hear how I struggle and how I handle things .. and maybe they won’t feel so alone.. maybe they will feel empowered that there are others out there struggling and they too can overcome their obstacles.. not all Latina Moms/daughters/wives/sisters have someone to talk to .. maybe they don’t have a lot of positive role models/mentors/sister-friends….perhaps I can be that for them… and THAT is how I feel I can make a difference .. that is how I CAN LIVE MY AMERICAN DREAM .. by not staying silent .. by not being an island.. by reinventing myself through my words and finding power in networking with other strong and beautiful LATINAS that share some of my views and struggles…I feel proud to be LATINA.. are YOU proud of yourself too?

More to come about the night and the INSPIRING film!

ART!!

I am so happy that I live in L.A right now; mind you I have moved around a lot in the past 10 years, I grew up here in L.A. and I thought it would be a good idea to move to Hawaii after high school.. after that I moved to Minot (North Dakota..brrr..), Dayton (Ohio… brrrr), Tampa (Florida---helllloo humidity!).. but nothing compares to LOS ANGELES… in everything--- traffic, restaurants, and MUSEUMS.. Anyone that knows me is that I love to take my boys to museums… and especially in October because in LA we have ARTwalks in the Miracle Mile and my favorite PASADENA ART NIGHT!!

I remember in elementary school we never did much but we went to the LACMA when the Frida Kahlo exhibit was brought to LA .. I was such a book worm and I remember some of my favorite Frida quotes:

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly?


I leave you my portrait so that you will have my presence all the days and nights that I am away from you.


I love you more than my own skin.

I never paint dreams or nightmares. I paint my own reality.


I paint my own reality. The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration.


I paint self-portraits because I am so often alone, because I am the person I know best.


I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.


Boy… those were so powerful to my young mind and now.. they are even more appropriate and why she is still one of my favorite artists.. it always amazes me what my boys have to say when they see art, they are awed and puzzled by what has evolved into art these days :) :

Darion: Mommy..umm..I could draw that (we were looking at a canvas that had three blue triangles on a white background)..

Darion: Mommy was Picasso sleepy when he drew that?

Jaden: Mommy… can we make stuff and put it on display too? (he was saying this while looking at a contemporary art piece)

Me: LAUGH

I can't wait to take them to a musical, a dance performance, and I can't wait to catch the look on their faces when they realize that they can do whatever they want to do because they see others living their dreams and creating art with their words, with their bodies, and instruments… the sky really is the limit.. and I remind myself that if they can dream big .. I can too :)!

Q.T.

A neighbor today told me today "You never get break huh? From your kids.." I just laughed and said that "I am away from them during the week when I am at work and once in a while I have weekend meetings and conventions that I go to.. at the end of the day.. I miss them .. one day they are going to want to be with their friends and not me.. so I cherish the time I have with them ...although after they are in bed.. I indulge in a glass of wine now and then .. hahahahaha"

I take this time to say that parenting at times is overwhelming and I am not perfect. .. by no means .. I cry to Mom sometimes .. but I have some processes that soothe me when this "Single-Mom"-thing gets too crazy.. (sidebar: I am not a professional but I am a mom.. and I will only talk about what I have already done .. repeatedly...)

1. Take a deep breath..

2. Have the boys go in their room for a little while, sometimes I cook (the process soothes me), sometimes I make coffee/tea (the aroma calms me down), and other times I call a friend and talk about things other than my kids...


3. LAUGH .. I know this may sound crazy but it really works because it makes you think twice about what it was that you were sad/mad/frustrated about in the first place ...

 I remember that one day a friend of Darion asked him "Do you even have a Dad?" It actually didn't phase Darion as much it devastated me..

Later that evening I cleaned like a mad woman, I called a friend, I took a bath... and I still couldn't get that situation out of my head.. but.. I stopped for a second and just smiled ( I couldn't laugh just yet) .. I thought about anything positive about the situation and you know what? Darion answered and confidently said "Yes I have a Dad .. I just don't see him very often"....

I had always spoken to him about the situation and made sure he explored his feelings and we had each other, we even have a name for our "family unit" : The Fantastic Three .. we made a family crest... we have a weekly family meeting in which anything that is discussed can't be punished or shared with the outside world ... we have a day in the month where we do things backwards (i.e. have breakfast for dinner .. eat dessert first.. so on and so forth)

We aren't conventional and the boys don't have a grown-up male companion in their life.. but we have each other .. and in those frustrating/sad/mad times .. I remember that the situation that made me feel the way I feel is only temporary.. but the bond I have with my boys is for a lifetime and worth every single minute ...

insert LAUGH here

ToothFAIRy

So my 7 year-old Darion is always negotiating and finding loopholes in just about everything... as his Mom I have learned to not only have a written iron clad contract but also his signature and initials on everything from chores to other miscellaneous ventures..  not too long ago, he cajoled one of his loose front teeth to come out early and I was left wondering why he endured so much pain and dedicated so much time into that act.. until later:

Darion: Parents know the tooth fairy .. right Mom? ( he calls me Mom when he is having a "grown up discussion". all other times it is "Mommy".. so I knew this was going to be a doosy)

Me: I suppose .. why?(please note that I didn't confirm nor deny the existence of the tooth fairy ... so he couldn't say I traumitized him for life after he finds out there is no tooth fairy or more devastatingly NO SANTA)

Darion: Well, I thought maybe you could intercede on my behalf with her (two things: what 7 year old goes around using words such as "intercede" and "on my behalf"? second: why does he assume all tooth fairies are women? did he not drag me to see The Rock playing a tooth fairy? Did I sit through that movie FOR NOTHING??) .. See Mom I feel that because it was one of my FRONT teeth that fell out I should be compensated for the cosmetic trauma this will cause me.

Me: *blank stare* *stuttering* um... what do you mean "cosmetic trauma"?

Darion: *patiently sighing* Mom, when people look at me it will be OBVIOUS that I lost a tooth and therefore it damages my profile .. think about the upcoming second grade pictures.. Christmas pictures.. and so on .. 

Me: *blank stare*

Darion: Okay .. look all I am asking for is an extra dollar, I understand that times are difficult for everyone so I am more than happy to be reasonable....

Me: um.. um.... um... okay tell you what .. leave your request, in writing, on the kitchen table before you go to bed and I will be sure she receives the message

Darion: *shrugs* okay Mommy

Me: (muttering.. what would Dr. Phil do? Dr.Oz? Oprah? Ellen?)

 Later that night.....

As I sat there looking at my baby's note .. I put the following at the top of the paper: "REQUEST DENIED --- IT'S A RECESSION" in bright red letters and  a smiley face :)

....He was not pleased the next morning.. but I politely told him that requests can't be denied or granted if they are not made .. so just because he didn't win with the penny-pinching Tooth Fairy .. he might get lucky with a Venture Capitalist in a decade or so ...

Darion: *blank stare*

Intro--

I feel like I just plunged in without really giving you guys much of our back ground. I am a single mom that works what  feels like ALL the time. I have an awesome group of friends and family. I try really hard at seeing the cup half full.. and when I can't do that .. I am just thankful to have the cup in the first place ... :)

Darion is the serious one of the family.. I think he is either going to be a judge or a chef because he loves to cook while managing to be obsessed with directions and rules.

Jaden, however, has never met a rule he wouldn't break.. I fear he is either going to be a football player or a lawyer... he likes to bend the rules, find loopholes and/or find new ways of hurting himself...

I sometimes (ok... 97.5% of the time) feel very overwhelmed because God knows I have NO IDEA what it means to be a man .. so how in the world can I raise two of them?! Just the memories of potty training them give me nightmares. However, the other percent of the time is spent being in awe that these two amazing kids are mine. They are funny and have the biggest hearts .. and that makes me so proud.

Morning Adventure -- Take One

Hello! This blog will be one in which I can vent my exasperation, frustration, utter disbelief, and of course.. (drum roll please...) blissful experiences .... WITH MY BOYS!

Darion is 7 years old going on 50...

Jaden is 4 years old going on .. well.. he's just trying to not hurt himself too badly ...

It is about my youngest that my first post will on:

Morning routine w/ Jaden went like this---

Jaden: "Mommy... I am going to miss you soooo much... I don't want to go to school" (enter the batting of his enormous eyelashes)

Me: "Jaden, unless you want to eat your saliva for breakfast you need to hurry up and get your clothes on .. oh and Mommy loves and misses you very much everyday ..."

.... one hour later in Kindergarten

Me: "Jaden, Mommy is going to miss you sooo much" (hugging and kissing her baby)

Jaden: "Mommy... you know .. you wouldn't be missing me if YOU HAD LET ME STAY HOME!"

End Scene