Delirium

It is not a secret that women (okay  ... I can concede that men are busy too) tend to overdue do it in their personal and professional lives. Take my past week for example:

I have been working non-stop since last Monday, partly because I need the money from my job BUT since I am single parent; I don’t exactly “get off” when I leave my job. I have the boys to tend to (oh and there have been open houses at their school this week) and that they entail such as dinner, homework, lunches for all of us for the next day, doing laundry and laying their clothes out. All of that after what has been 10 and 12 hour days. To say that I am exhausted would be an understatement (Oh and did I mention I tried to squeeze in my Spanish tutoring when I could?). 

I am so blessed to have a job, I know this, but it makes it so hard when your commute is over 45 minutes each way, job is not what you envisioned doing with the degree that you have, and well I miss my kids gosh darn it (I really do want to say other words but.. hey my kids may read this one day)!!  I know that as parents we are going to struggle with the duality of being a “professional” and being a present parent in our children’s lives and knowing this doesn’t make it easier. 

I see some of the stay at home parents and I am envious of the time that they spend with their children and about the fact that they can volunteer at the school almost daily. I long to have dinner (or lunch) waiting for them when they get home from school. I dream of being able to work on their homework individually for 3 or 4 hours instead of having to cram it into 30 minutes. 

I am so exhausted that I am writing this and I am wondering how in the world I am going to wake up at 4 AM tomorrow and face another 12 hour day? I am in awe of the parents that I see that have it all seemingly put together but I know that in my house the past week has been trying to say the least... but you want to know what made it all “worth it”. 

Seeing my boys’ faces light up when I told them that no matter what I wouldn’t miss their open houses. Their faces when I placed a hot meal in front of them this week. It is those small victories that I choose to cling to when my body aches, things are going bad at work, and/or I want to curl up in bed and sleep an extra 15 minutes. I may not be rich, or one of those lucky moms that gets to spend unending time with their children BUT I am working my way into being content with who I am and where I am in life.

 This is only a step in my journey; I have concluded that journeys are sometimes hard because the steps you are taking are going UP... and isn’t always harder to go upstairs than it is to go down? :)